


Kidnapped!

by katling



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Again, But it doesn't have a lot to do with them, Civil War Team Iron Man, Gen, He's not amused, Kidnapping, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not particularly Team Cap friendly, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), This is perilously close to crack, Tony gets drugged, Tony gets kidnapped, mentions of James Rhodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 05:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15212303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katling/pseuds/katling
Summary: Tony gets kidnapped. Again. He's not pleased. Also when he gives that talk about monologuing, he means himself as well.This was a challenge from a friend to write something Tony related around the prompt "Is this a kidnapping?"





	Kidnapped!

“Is this a kidnapping?”

Tony felt he ought to be concerned about how slurred his voice was right now. There was, in fact, some tiny part of his brain that _was_ rather concerned but that part of his brain had been kind of overwhelmed by the rest of his brain which had pretty much been reduced to ‘walls… pretty’.

“Because,” he continued, “you’re really bad at it.”

“Shaddup.”

The snarled word was accompanied by a sharp shove in his back. He had a moment to think about how bad an idea that was as he stumbled then his head hit the wall with a thud and everything went black.

The next thing he knew was pain. His head was thumping and throbbing as he swam up towards consciousness. He fought that for a moment. That much pain in his head probably meant that other things were going to hurt and that things in general were going to suck and quite frankly, after everything that had happened to him recently, he preferred unconsciousness.

His head and the rest of his body has different ideas and before too long he had to accept that he was going to have to wake up and deal with whatever had happened. He pried his eyes open and then sighed, long and loud.

“Seriously?” he muttered as he pushed himself upright on the thin cot he’d been dumped on. “A cell. How cliché. Just once I’d like a kidnapping to be in a five star hotel. That’d be nice. Comfy bed, room service, a nice hot shower.”

He rubbed his forehead and wished he could at least have some Tylenol. He wasn’t sure whether it was hitting his head or whatever drug he’d been given that was causing the headache but he didn’t like it either way. 

“Ah, Mr Stark. I’d imagine you’re wondering why you’re here.”

Tony sighed. “Look, I hate to be rude… wait, that’s a lie. I love being rude, especially to kidnapping assholes like you. You deserve rudeness and a whole lot more as well. But I’m digressing. If you want me to actually listen to whatever lameass monologue you’re about to inflict on me right now, you might want to give me Tylenol or aspirin or some shit. Because your minions suck and they gave me a headache.”

Silence reigned for a moment. “I… see.”

The voice didn’t speak again and about five minute later, a small slot in the door snapped open and a small tray was shoved through that contained a plastic cup of water and a couple of white pills. Tony stared at them for a ridiculously long time before he finally picked them up. There wasn’t anything on them to identify them and Tony contemplated them for a little bit longer.

“Oh, what the hell,” he muttered as he picked up the water with his other hand. “Pepper and Rhodey can kill me for this later.”

He swallowed the tablets with a mouthful of water then drained the rest of the cup. He put it back on the tray and then started slowly pacing around the cell as he waited for the pills to kick in. If he was also cataloguing everything that was in the cell while he was at it, well, that was his business.

After about forty minutes, the voice came back. “Is your head better, Mr Stark?”

“Er… yes,” Tony said. “Though that doesn’t mean I really want to hear your monologue now either. Monologues are always lame. I mean, let’s get this all out upfront. SI is not going to pay a ransom, though well done. You now have a pissed off Pepper Potts on your case and let me tell you from personal experience, that is _not_ going to go well for you.”

“I hadn’t intended to ask for a ransom,” the voice said huffily though Tony was pretty sure he could detect a hint of worry in it now. “This is about something far bigger than Stark Industries.”

Tony frowned then he sighed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Is this about the Accords? Or is it about Rogers and his merry bunch of morons? Because I can tell you right now that the Accords aren’t going away and the moron brigade aren’t coming back without accepting responsibility for their actions.” He smirked. “Oh, and I feel like I should be nice, though really I’m not sure entirely why but hey, you gave me some painkillers so why not. I should warn you that the fact I went missing _will_ have been noticed and if you’re really lucky, it’ll only be Rhodey you have to deal with. Because if they’ve called in the Defenders, you’re _really_ going…”

Sudden sounds of terrified screams came over the intercom before it was suddenly cut off and a moment later, he heard the sounds of running feet, muffled screaming and what sounded suspiciously like bones breaking. It was all a bit indistinct so he couldn’t be sure. Then the door opened and Luke Cage gave him an exasperated look.

“How the hell did you get kidnapped by a pro-Chitauri group?”

Tony opened his mouth more or less on automatic to give a snarky reply but then what Luke had said sank in.

“They’re what now?”

“A pro-Chitauri group who think you should be charged with war crimes for nuking them,” Luke said without cracking even the slightest hint of a smile.

Tony could only admire Luke’s poker face and made a mental note to never play cards with him. “And people say I’m weird,” he said, shaking his head.

“You _are_ weird,” Luke replied, gesturing for Tony to leave, something he was more than willing to do. “ _These_ people are fucking nuts.”

As they ran down the corridor, Tony could only reflect that a) Luke was right and b) Rhodey owed him dinner because this was definitely a new entry in the ‘Tony gets kidnapped’ list.


End file.
